TheUnspoken

26. Random morning thought

2010-02-27T05:14:00.003+08:00

My thoughts are racing at the weirdest hour - 5 am in the morning. Purely random. I never get bored of people-watching :)

25. Effort

2010-02-22T12:34:00.003+08:00

It is always easier said than done - the act of trusting sometimes manifests in the simplest ways, don't you think so? I realise that sometimes insecurity breeds beneath all the smiles without us even noticing it engulfing us. I'm not going to beat myself up for being guilty of this but rather, I will remind myself everyday to take that leap of faith and continue trusting.

24. Hearts

2010-02-21T18:56:00.005+08:00

Dearest Farhana turned 20 on 19th of February :) I hope you liked the surprises - I know it wasn't the best I am capable of coming up with (hahaha) but nonetheless, I hope I made it memorable in a way or two. 7 years of friendship and still counting, thinking back now I miss our petty and childish days. Haha! Bike license is next on the agenda okay. I love you, my monthly BW partner :)

23. You

2010-02-19T13:34:00.002+08:00

22. Sweet

2010-02-17T16:57:00.003+08:00

21. LUST!!

2010-02-16T14:04:00.002+08:00

I WANT I WANT I WANT.

20. It's gettin' hot in here

2010-02-14T22:37:00.004+08:00

The weather has been insane. A few days back, the boy and I was on the way to Vivocity from school. Halfway through we alighted halfway just to have some cooling air and ice-cream at Swensen's (Holland Village). I'm not a fan of hydrating myself with water but that day, I felt like I could faint anytime from dehydration!

19. Early mornin'

2010-02-08T08:15:00.001+08:00

I’ve made mistakes in my life. I’ve let people take advantage of me, and I accepted way less than I deserve. But, I’ve learned from my bad choices and even though there are some things I can never get back and people who will never be sorry, I’ll know better next time and I won’t settle for anything less than I deserve.

18. Surrender is not my forte

2010-02-07T18:46:00.005+08:00

Efforts of purpose resolute and unvarying
Moving along the pathway of outcome
Unremitting to the goal intended
No consideration of straying

Determined through the delays and frustrations
Inspiration fuels the course
Stumbling occasionally in pursuit
On target nonetheless

Through the storms, and merciless encounters
A mind in focus and a heart beats still
Covered grounds conquered with insistence
No way I shall be turning back

Too much to lose is at stake
Surrender is not my forte
In it to the finish, I am
From the beginning, that was the plan

Triumph and accomplishment wait
Inside perseverance’s gate
The elation of the proverbial light
It’s something worth experiencing again and again

- a blog entry, 2005

17. One after another

2010-02-06T01:42:00.013+08:00

I have been too lazy to do pictorial entries because I keep having new photos in my camera. But one of my resolutions for 2010 is to keep track of the good times I've had, especially in the form of photographs.

I shall stick to it, ya?

28th of January was my bestfriend's birthday surprise.

Here. The first picture is the start of all lies - lunch at NUS with Fadilah the silly girl who believed all lies, Deena and Sufi (:

The surprise at night was at Mex Brenner with the coolcats and awesome chocolate loving. Some of us continued staying out till 5am in the morning - eating and talking.

I had school at 8am, Khairil had work at TUAS at 8am. At 430am, we were still at Al-Azhar with special appearances from Johnston and Lloyd who were staying over in school. All of us were exhausted.

I continued on with Friday's activities - school in the morning until 6pm, followed by HS Bonding Camp which took place from Friday till Sunday morning. I don't have much pictures, except for the first night when I was not part of the blindfolded people :P

The bunch of people I was with for 3D2N :D

After camp on Sunday, I had a date with the bestfriend in the afternoon. It was her official birthday so it was awesome that I managed to spend it with her. Simple early dinner affair with ice cream and some catching up:) We had our favourite, favourite butter squid (below) and I had beef porridge, to make up from all the chicken that was served with Nasi Lemak during camp :P

Exams in 2 weeks, so I doubt there will be many outings. I am currently in highly stressed mode.

):

16. Purrft.

2010-02-04T21:45:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, people think you are the joke of the day. But little do they know, that everything, everything is intentional - even their laughter. They don't realise that they are, the joke.

15. Find the guy...

2010-02-02T12:25:00.011+08:00

who will blindfold you and take you to the beach, let you run your toes through the sand and then make you guess where we are.

who will show up at your games without you knowing just to surprise you.

who will hold you when you are crying and wipe away your tears.

who still thinks that you're beautiful even without makeup but instead, in sweat and a big t-shirt.

who won't pressure you to do things you dont want to.

who will show up at your house with soup and a movie when you aren't feeling well.

who kisses you on the forehead.

who doesnt kiss and tell.

who actually listens to you when you talk.

who's excited all day because im looking forward to our date that night.

who is contented to just be able to hold you and wants nothing more.

who can't help but smile when you walk into the room.

who is perfectly happy with staying in and watching movies and cuddling.

who won't lie to you about where he's going or where he's been or who he's been with.

who gets butterflies when he hears your name.

who's not afraid to tell his friends he loves you.

who isn't afraid to tell you he loves you.

who isn't always trying to act like a hard ass around you.

who will tell you how he feels.

who doesn't care about your imperfections and loves you more for them.

who will hold you while we watch the sunset.

who really wants to make you the happiest girl in the world

14. A lesson or two

2010-01-31T11:28:00.005+08:00

The past few days have been physically exhausting due to the lack of sleep since Thursday. Nonetheless, it's been meaningful.

First lesson: When you make sacrifices for the important people, it's worth it.
It's the smile on their face which planted one on mine. I had fun on Fadilah's 21st birthday surprise - a surprise at Max Brenner, followed by night out till 5am in the morning despite having school at 8am. It was worth it and hell, it was fun :)

Second lesson: First impression counts but there's more than what meets the eye
I am human and undeniably, I am packaged with pre-conceived notions which I cannot get rid of. The past few days spent with new and different individuals opened up my eyes to one thing which all of us are probably aware and guilty of - that we can spend a large part of our lives judging people without actually knowing anything about them. Equipped with these powerful yet potentially dangerous, unconscious knowledge, sometimes it's hard to overcome the inertia of breaking the ice. We are the ones responsible for creating a barrier between us and the person.

It's hard to put aside judgements. But I think this is where I can apply again what late Dad taught me 12years ago - what he told me when I had so much angst even at a young and tender age, what I saw him doing when he was around, what I deduced after analyzing his traits years down the road after he left.

Let go.

Let go of those judgements.

And may I add to the phrase - Let go and give everyone a chance - it's not their loss when you hold back. It's yours.

It's easier to love the world when you learn to let go.

13. Minus two minutes

2010-01-26T00:41:00.005+08:00

Since I can't afford to fritter my money away, I thought it best just to watch other people. I stood for a long time by the roller coaster, and I noticed that most people get on it in search of excitement, but that once it starts, they are terrified and want the cars to stop.

What do they expect? Having chose adventure, shouldn't they be prepared to go the whole way? Or do they think that the intelligent thing to do would be to avoid the ups and downs and spend all their time on a carousel, going round and round on the spot?

At the moment, I'm far too lonely to think about love, but I have to believe that it will happen, that I will find a job, and that I am here because I chose this fate. The roller coaster is my life; life is a fast, dizzying game; life is a parachute jump; it's taking chances, falling over and getting up again; it's mountaineering; it's wanting to get to the very top of yourself and to feel angry and dissatisfied when you don't manage it.

It isn't easy being far from my family and from the language in which I can express all my feelings and emotions, but, from now on, whenever I feel depressed, I will remember the funfair. If I had fallen asleep and suddenly woken up on a roller coaster, what would I feel?

Well, I would feel trapped and sick, terrified of every bend, wanting to get off. However, if I believe that the track is my destiny and that God is in charge of the machine, then the nightmare becomes something thrilling. It becomes exactly what it is, a roller coaster, a safe, reliable toy, which will eventually stop, but while the journey lasts, I must look at the surrounding landscape and whoop with excitement.

Eleven Minutes

12. A series of fortunate events

2010-01-17T05:42:00.011+08:00

Semester 2 wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. Despite the shitload amount of work, I managed have my weekly (if not daily) dose of fun :D I think that's pretty evident from my frequent pictorial entries.

I've been seeing this small sister, who is hitting the 2-0 next month (I just had to add that in), pretty often lately. Better make use of all the time before she returns to school and probably ditch me for notes and books.

She brought me to Nabin's at Arab St which was a bitch to find. Seriously! But as usual, the reward was awesome. We were greeted by spacious AND comfortable corner to chill by ourselves and be silly. Food was alright. I felt like I was paying for the place, not the food but it's alright. It was worth my money. Above is my baked potato with sour cream & chicken pieces (:

Such a pretty place!

Anyway, next up was the HS Charity Party organised by the HS Delegates main committee. I was pretty ambitious. The idea sketched in my mind was pretty detailed but 1 day before the event, I had downscaled my idea so much that it only required me to paint myself blue. I wanted to be Neytiri. Thanks to the bestfriend for following me around town to find ideas, Norizan and Suhana who had painstakingly helped me with the process (dirtying themselves too). I would like to apologize to the cleaner who had to clean the toilet the next morning. She must have cursed when she saw the mess I made in the toilet. I did make an attempt to clean up!

I couldn't take much photos with my camera because I was afraid of staining it. I wish more people had turned up to hype up the atmosphere but it was fun nonetheless. The dressing up part was fun :D And watching someone play guitar.

The day after HS Party, I had a date to watch Jiwo Jiro @ Esplanade. I was excited because 1) I was there to see Lala perform 2) It's been eons since I watched a theatre production! As usual, The Necessary Stage did not disappoint me :D There were lessons to take back from the play and I was glad that I went to watch it. It was the first time I watched a set with a large cast, it was quite a surprise at the beginning. Being there reminded me of Off-Centre, I hope they will show it again someday :) Still my favourite play!

After the play, I had my very much missed Popeye's (the boy doesn't share the same sentiment with me on this) chicken, mashed potatoes and biscuit! :D Why can't they have it nearer to home? The Spy Next Door completed our night before we head back (and continued being the nocturnals we have always been)

It's 8.24am now and I haven't gotten any shut eye. Off I go!

11. Yikes

2010-01-15T11:23:00.006+08:00

Perfect to describe what I am feeling now.

10. Sucked back in

2010-01-14T15:17:00.009+08:00

I had hopes of breaking the mundane routine of school life and attachment during December break but the last minute decision to visit another town was not a possible idea - it's fully booked everywhere. Being insistent on leaving even for a short while, I left for a short trip to KL last week end.

The waterfall that I visited at Hutan Lipur Sungai Kanching wasn't all majestic but the serenity is something that I miss. I wish it was a bigger area for us to trek, wished that we had more time to ourselves to return the next day but well, you gotta make do with whatever you have.

The rest of the trip was just about stuffing our bellies with cheap (taking currency exchange into consideration) and good food. From A&W for their coney dog, root bear float, mini burgers, Manhattan Fish Market and many more. We were still eating in the train on the way back!

I wish I have alot of disposable time on hand to waste over there. But it was good to be able to spend some time away with someone and just enjoy our time there. It's also during this period that I learnt to appreciate affectionate gestures shown to me ;)

As for now, it is back to the cruel reality - projects, presentations, tests, quizzes...

9. Cats and Dogs

2010-01-07T11:21:00.003+08:00

True much?

8. The big change

2010-01-01T14:33:00.009+08:00

First post of the year! NYE 09 was a little different from the previous years and it has been added into my list of 'First time I...' I spent the day with different groups of people - Cedar homecoming in the morning, people from school in the evening, people from Johnston's side at midnight. To sum it up, I enjoyed the end of my 2009.

I am not about to narrate the chronicles of the past year because this space wouldn't be enough but I will share what are 2 most significant events of 2009 worth the mention :)

The first significant event took place in the first half of the year. School was the start of all the big changes in my life thus far. I spent about 5 years dreaming to live this day and I got to say, because of school, 2009 was the best year I have ever lived thus far. I have never regretted being so adamant on my decision, rebelling against people and the instituition that I was previously in just to do nursing. I no longer care when people tell me that I could have done better elsewhere because I believe I'm at my best where my interest lies.

The second big change came during the second half of the year, unexpectedly. It came about during a class chalet with I was pretty reluctant to stay over at due to the meagre number of response from people. But I did and I was glad because undeniably, it was the turning point for my friendship with people and for my life. It was 2 nights worth of sharing life stories with the people above and knowing each other beyond what we had imagined on our initial meet up. It was an opportunity I had to know Shirah better - I honestly thought we couldn't really click when I first met her in NP (She was my first friend!). I am always thankful for such opportunities and I hope for more of such with my other friends.

And needless to say who else I got to know better from that day and still getting to know now every single day :)

7. Through the years

2009-12-31T12:53:00.005+08:00

2009 and 2005

same people

same place

6. Once A Cedarian, Always A Cedarian

2009-12-31T12:38:00.006+08:00

From the day I received the invitation to Cedar Homecoming 2009, I had already decided I wanted to go. It was quite a disappointment because I did not see many of my ex-classmates but it was a trip worth my time because it's always fun to reminisce the days of being a Cedarian :) Farhana had kindly decided to lend me her uniform and even sent the skirt for alteration just so I can live the days of being a Cedarian again :) Thanks a bunch dear!

These are the two girls who have stuck with me through thick and thin since I was 13. Our friendship has blossomed over the years and I am glad that no matter how distant we are, at the end of the day, I can still find them lingering around in my life <3

I was sad that they took away the square area in the between the two classroom blocks. It was there where we spent time emo-ing during our younger days, Farhana and I running around over Lee Ryan's poster (haha, which I still have in my file) and simply just slack around in between lesson and break time.

Taken outside 4H, in memory of Deena (and other people from other classes) coming to our class for food after each F&N lesson, haha!

Junior :)

I will always label her as the hottest teacher in Cedar who always had tanned skin and wore fitting clothes with matching pumps everyday! That's her son, Zachary :) Now we label her as hot mum. Haha!

Bumped into Vivian :)

This is the legendary discipline mistress! She was telling us, "No no, I cannot take a picture with you in a skirt so short like that!" I look like the typical problem child in school.

Bestfriend who hated me when we were in lower sec. LOL.

Smallieeeeeeee <3<3<3

I'm proud to be a Cedarian :)

5. One of the goodbyes

2009-12-29T15:32:00.006+08:00

One of the changes as I charge head on into 2010 would be leaving behind my first ever long term part time job - a scooper at Ben&Jerry's Vivocity. I actually do miss scooping ice cream, the silly things we do when we get bored in the shop, getting fat from eating all the wrong orders. I miss the little kids that come by - they never fail to make me smile. I do intend to go back once in a while but well, the new scoopers now are what, 16? 17?

Like all the other things in life - we have to move on and find new things somewhere else instead of holding on to the past, no matter how good it was/can be.

4. End and Begin

2009-12-29T00:07:00.005+08:00

First time I dressed up for Halloween.

The end of 2009 is looming near - it has been a great, great year. A year filled with many firsts and I hope that's how it'll be like for the upcoming year :)

3. Yum

2009-12-25T20:40:00.005+08:00

Guys good with kids? Major plus point.

Hot guys with kids? Major major plus point.

Hot dad with kids like the one above?

I have no adjective to describe.

2. Praying to be the prey

2009-12-20T18:30:00.009+08:00

Recently, I lost the zest for clubbing. I actually preferred talking outside with the double Js. I did not really enjoy myself but it was interesting to sit outside the club at 4am, watching people go by. Girls in their high heels and skimpy clothes. A familiar issue was tugging at me so I allowed myself to sink deeper into my thoughts.

Girls dressed in minimal clothes really should not blame the guys when unwanted hands go roaming on their skin and up their skirt when they go clubbing.

1. A new start to an old endin

2009-12-19T19:11:00.008+08:00

Amateur HTML work to kickstart this blog again.

You know, I actually do miss this space. I don't know how I got here ever since my departure in 2006. Perhaps people don't understand what's the connection between this virtual space and a person. Neither do I.

I figure I have recovered parts of myself - my long lost self. It has been a long journey and to return to where I left off seems like the next right move. Maybe one phase of my self-discovery has ended and that's why I've decided to leave trivialie.livejournal.com. I did some overhaul to my Facebook account as well. If you're a friend, you'll realise the changes. Or maybe it's just the end-of-year feeling getting to me (if it is, it's kind of early still).

A toast to change
- a journey of hope, faith, simplicity and optimism :)